‘Love is all you need.’ – We commonly grow with this idea that especially where marriage/ partnership/ couple life, is concerned, then love is the answer to everything. In the general sense this is true, if you truly love each other then you’ll get through everything. In another sense this is false. Many of us innocently don’t seem to notice or realise that when falling in love we put so much effort in order to show the other half that we love them, yet when we’ve completed a ‘formality’ e.g. getting married, we forget to put in the effort or we believe that now we are one, surely that is it and we are set for life. Nothing could be more false than this.
I found myself slowly turning from the wife to the room mate. After 2 children, my husband working a hard job and almost 0 help from any exterior resources we found that although our love never died and we still love each other dearly, the spark was fading. We no longer did the intimate things couples do, we no longer took showers together or ate dinners together. We no longer baked together, talked until late hours of the night whilst drinking a glass of wine together (I like sweet, he likes dry and we always used to dispute over which we would drink). We lived in denial like this for maybe a year, slowly, slowly, fading apart, until we were merely co-habiting together. We always messaged each other and kissed each other goodbye, I’m not sure if we were in denial or we both just purely didn’t realise, until the revelation came.
A Saturday morning we went to central park for an ice cream, my daughter was snoozing in her sling whilst my son was playing on the slides with some friends he’d made – he no longer needs or wants us to play or our assistance on things at the park. My husband suggested that we sit on a bench whilst he played and so we did. After we’d sat down I realized that we’d sat so far apart we could have been strangers, even stranger we made NO conversation. I was watching the children play around me, absent mindedly checking my phone and so was he. To my dismay tears bit the back of my eyes as I realised we really didn’t know what to say to each other, we’d forgotten how to make a conversation concentrated on us, unless it was about the children or our plans for the day or something routinal. I think at this point realisation had hit him too as in our awkward silence we fidgeted, each one waiting for the other to speak first.
Anyways, the awkward silence was never broken by one of us, but my son, as we continued our day, I had no idea what was going on in his mind, I mean I didn’t feel like I really knew him anymore, but I knew that I felt heartbroken and full of despair for the rest of the day. Now you see, this is the part where I say it’s love that does truly only matter, he must have been feeling my vibe and my energy or he must have felt the same way as that evening two glasses of wine were waiting for me on the table after the babies had been put to bed. We spoke, we spoke and we spoke. We spoke about all the things that had led us up to this, we spoke about all the changes we had to make and we spoke about how we never dated anymore.
I realised at this point that you should never take it for granted that you’re married or in a long term relationship, you should always treat the person and show them hoe you feel, because we may never know where we’ll be tomorrow, yet we should make the present day a beautiful one, one full of love, it is important to prioritize yourself and your love sometimes, no matter how busy life can get. So from that evening we made a promise to each other. We promised that even if we didn’t get to go out anymore we’d at least do something we loved together at home at least once a week, whatever that may be. It’s important to love, laugh and have fun with your other half, it’s important to reignite the fire every once in a while. It’s important to put the effort in letting them know that you love them.
So as my mid – week wish to my readers, tell the person you love that you love them, kiss them and enjoy them. Work, money, material and responsibilities are of course important in our lives, yet at the end of the day what is more important when we are old is the sweet memories we will make with our loved ones. Enjoy the rest of your week and don’t forget to enjoy it with your favourite person too, because you know, sometimes, just loving, just ain’t always enough…