Reflecting upon ourselves.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the way in which I want to raise my children, in hindsight my views on child raising have changed tremendously from the time I was pregnant with Ayan to now being a mother of two children. Not only am I a mother of two children but I am blessed to be a mother of a boy and a girl, along with this blessing, I feel comes great responsibility, as the days go by and my beautiful children grow with each passing day, I find myself wondering about the future. Curious about how they will look like, what they will be when they are older, what their favourite subjects at school will be, what will their first boyfriends and girlfriends will look like. Just all the fun and crazy stuff that most mothers think of but will rarely admit to, but  you know me, no filter here, unless it’s on instagram…of course.

My daughter is the closest soul to me since I graced the earth with my presence, I don’t know if it’s our star signs, our personalities or whatever you would like to believe in, but my energy and hers are so in sync and never has a being loved me as much as this little being loves me (I know I’m lucky right). Everywhere I am,  you will find her there too, in my arms, hanging around my legs, playing with my make up, putting her hands in my plate, today she was taking out my fresh washing out the basket onto the floor, as I was trying to put them to dry. And all of a sudden as I was methodically putting the washing to dry her playful presence misted into the distance and thoughts started flying into my head, how will it be when we finally have to separate? Will we suffer? Will she blossom from my branch into her own flower? How will she deal with heartbreak? How will my daughter see herself in the future? How will she present herself to her first boyfriend? How much self esteem will she have? How will she see into her inner self?

You see, I am a mother of only 24 years old, it wasn’t long ago I was a confused teenager, lost, with no guidance, no healthy relationship models in my life, except for the ones which I found myself. I remember the confusion like it was yesterday, the confusion of love and self being, the fogginess of a kiss and not tell the next day, the heartbreaking mist of what it felt like to not know what was wrong with me when a guy treated me bad. As I’ve grown up I’ve slowly, slowly pushed the painful memories to the back of my head, suppressing them as though they never really happened, because at the end of the day, that’s what we are taught to do by the people around us and by civilization right?

It is so rare a woman opens up her wounds after she has haphazardly sewn them in her younger days, why is that? All that leads to is generations upon generations of confused hearts always wondering what’s wrong with them in response to an external consequence.

So lesson one to my babygirl is going to be about those stolen kisses, those kisses with those who love her and also with those who don’t. I came across recently this conversation with a close friend after meeting with a guy she liked, he never called, so she started wondering what was wrong with her. What had she done wrong? Was she not pretty enough? Was she not a good enough kisser? Was her personality miserable?

I said nothing, I merely comforted my friend, yet now I wish I could go back and tell her the things I will proceed to tell my daughter..

If you kiss someone and they don’t call you, then that is no reason to self attack or self judge. It doesn’t mean that something was wrong with you, it is not a reflection of your inadequacies, because my love, you have none, you have differences, some which are accepted and others which are declined by those around you. And that is okay. We don’t have to like everyone around us right? This is the same, if someone doesn’t call you back, whatever the circumstance may be, this is not a reflection of you but a reflection of that person, it is they who is lost in the stormy mess of thoughts with which they cannot be honest with. It is a reflection of their taste and their dislikes and their personal preferences, it is a reflection of how they view the world and you within it…after all, it is THEY who did not get back to you. So love freely my darling, be wild but never ask yourself why someone else left you with unanswered questions, it is ironically, merely a question with which you will have to ask them.

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The Benefits of BABYWEARING

When we are welcomed to parenthood, we are also welcomed to a whole new world of phrases and terms to do with child raising, it’s almost like learning a new language, right? A term which has become increasingly popular and continues to do so amongst this generation is BABYWEARING. Although it is fairly obvious what this term means (wearing our babies) what is not immediately obvious are the scientific facts, the studies and the wonderful benefits of this practise during the early years of raising our little loved ones.

When it comes to babywearing so many questions arise; which carrier should I use? What’s the best make? What does the term ‘ergonomic’ even mean? When can I start wearing my baby? Is it safe? When should I babywear? Whilst ALL of these questions won’t be answered in this specific post, one question which I will be answering is;

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF BABYWEARING? 

  • OXYTOCIN LEVELS: When a mother gives birth, many people don’t realise the importance of keeping the newborn as close to the mother as possible and at nearly all times for at least a minimium of 6 weeks post-partum. Why? Is this the first time you’re hearing this? Most probably. So here’s the theory, a female body for 9 months forms and carries a child around, it creates this baby and all of a sudden after 9 months gives birth and many societies or cultures expect the mother and baby to stay away from each other in some form or the other from very early days, it is expected of many societies and cultures that the mother let varying guests hold the baby e.g. friends and families. Whilst of course we must accomodate to the fact that we are a civilised species and that we cannot hoard our babies and not let anyone touch them we must also for a second stop and think, what should our reactions be as mammals? We are mammals and we still sport many mammal instincts and characteristics in today’s day and time (of course). Not many realise that this constant distancing from the baby decreases our oxytocin levels. Why is that a problem and how does babywearing help? Lowered oxytocin levels means a ‘lowered level of happiness’. Thus increasing depression, which manifests into post-partum depression and in extreme cases post-partum psychosis, as well as pschosomatic illnesses in mothers. This is nothing new, think about all other mammal species, they do not let ANYONE or ANYTHING even touch their babies for the first 6-8 weeks. Babywearing helps increasing this scenario as oxytocin levels are increased through physical contact with the newborn. Thus having a postive domino effect on the relationship between mother and infant. Stronger maternal bond -> better understanding of baby and it’s needs as well as easier breastfeeding -> better care. 
  • NEEDS ARE MET: Babies who are carried are generally calmer because all of their primal/survival needs are met (we are still mammals at the end of the day). The caregiver can be seen, heard, smelled, touched, tasted, felt, giving especially newborns the closest feeling to being in utero as possible. This makes the transition from in utero to out in the open world a much smoother, easier and less traumatising one for newborns. As well as this, the caregiver is able to provide feeding and the motion necessary for continuing development e.g. neural, gastrointestinal and respiratory health (hopefully the caregiver NOT being a smoker) and to establish balance (inner ear development).
  • HUMANIZATION’: Infants are ‘humanized’ earlier. Instead of spending their first days in anxiety, trying to figure out the giant world around the, and wondering/crying for their parents (generally specifically the mother). Infants feel safe, secure and content thus allowing them to develop socially and concentrate their energy and rapidly growing brain on other things such as studying facial expressions, studying body language and energies as well as learing languages.
  • ESTABLISHING INDEPENDENCE: One thing that many people DO NOT realise is that babies who are baby worn actually are more prone to establish their own independence then those who are not. Why? Because babies who are babyworn spend the lives in a secure state, rather than in a state of panic or anxiety due to separation (separation anxiety), This constant state of being content and secure manifests into a child with confidence in themselves rather than a child that is fearful, therefore the domino effect being that a child with confidence feels ready to establish his/her own independence from an earlier age and explore the world around them – continuing to grow and become an independant adult.
  • ATTACHMENT AND LOVE: This one a more obvious benefit of babywearing, carrying your baby around almost always ensures a growth of a strong bond inbetween the caregiver and baby. Being that close, and feeling the someone so dear to you, so close to you all the time can only result in a feeling of closeness, physically, emotionally, mentally and full of love.

These are the main benefits of baby wearing, covering some of the maybe not so obvious reasons as well as physiological reasons on why babywearing is such a healthy practise when it comes to raising our children. Although I covered these few points, yet in detail, there are many other reasons as to why we babywear and how we use babywearing to help us in every day life. Please don’t forget to subscribe to my youtube (Life of a Chocolate Girl ) to learn everything you need to about babywearing and lots more!

Aryana Lorena Moldovan

April 1st 2017, the day our lives changed yet again & a day which we will truly never forget…

Lately the weather hadn’t been so amazing, however, that specific Saturday morning it was sunny, bright and warm outside. I picked up my phone, checked my diary to see what I had planned for that day. Yep, of course as always my diary was full for Saturday of little things that I had to finish/buy before baby made it’s appearance as there were only a few weeks left. As the boys woke up and me and Mihai were talking about what we had to do today, I had a true F*#K THAT moment and I decided to clear the schedule until Monday and we instead had decided that for the whole weekend we were just going to spend time as a family, maybe fulfill last minute desires (like eating as many doughnuts as I want in one sitting) and nothing else but fun. And so, our ‘fun family weekend’ began.

The house was spotless and disinfected from top to bottom from my weeks of nesting + my OCD, if you know us, you’ll know we are somewhat ‘clean freaks’ – that is what you call people like us right? So there was nothing to do a 9.30am except to get dressed and head to starbucks.

10.00am: Arrive at starbucks, get a Soy Macchiato, a normal macchiato, Ayan’s usual doughnut with pink marshmallows and a bottle of overpriced water…I will never understand WHY my son is obsessed with the bottles of water specifically from Starbucks when I can buy him the EXACT SAME water from any other store, but anyways… Sip our coffees, take some selfies, or atleast I tried to with Ayan, it’s quite tough with a toddler, then we decided to do some shopping. Post shopping I decided I needed a rest and that the rest would be in the car on the way to the NEXT shopping centre (Vivo City).

12.00pm: Arrive at Vivo City, I decide that I want to eat KFC + a doughnut from the Donuterie, promising myself of course that from tomorrow until I give birth I’ll eat healthier so that I have the energy to go through the birth process. Feeling super massive now, we finish off some shopping and head home.

13.30pm: Arrive home, Ayan is taking a nap and I tell Mihai that we simply MUST watch a movie together with some more junk of course, so of course we put a movie on. Halfway through the movie I’m feeling a little uneasy and out of breath but I just assume it’s because the baby is squishing my lungs or something like that. I start complaining and so we decide to turn the movie off and just chill. So yep, chillin’ together, everything is good, then my husband decides he wants to cook steak and sweet potato mash randomly on a Saturday, so as he makes second lunch? Pre-dinner? Not sure what you’d call it, we eat so much, I’m playing with Ayan and eating more things I can find in the kitchen. We eat, it is  D E L I C I O U S,  I’m still promising that I won’t eat this much from tomorrow but until then I think we should go to the central park, spend some time with Cliffy as it;s beautiful outside, oh and we should get an ice cream too.

17.00pm: Head off to the park, before that we fooled around at the back of the block, posting on snapchat, instagram stories, and just taking silly pictures, little did I know that it would be the last pictures I’d ever have of my little bump. On arrival at the park we walk the whole way through and back, play with Ayan, look for trolls under bridges and for some weird reason just followed Ayan around who had befriended another slightly older toddler who didn’t seem to have any parents with him, yet seemed to enjoy making my son laugh by repeatedly throwing his scooter in the water. Such a strange little moment, boys can be so strange sometimes. Still haven’t got my ice cream, although the boys had theirs, so we decide to head back to where the ice creams are, I carry Ayan most of the way there and just before we get to the ice cream we decide that we must stop at the kids section so that Ayan can go on the slide.

Incoming message on my phone

My doctor had messaged me earlier on asking me how I felt to which I told her that I’d had some contractions, assuming they were Braxton hicks, I took some Magnesium B6 and they calmed down, apart from that I felt as awesome as an 8 month pregnant woman can feel and that everything is good. According to my Doctor she didn’t trust me and she had weird gut feelings so she expected me to be at the hospital in 30 minutes. What?! Sounds a bit worrying, but my doctor is amazing and surely just wants to double and triple check everything is okay, I mean it is a Saturday evening and she could be doing something else. So I tell Mihai that we must leave the park immediately, drop Ayan at his mother’s and make our way to the clinic. Probably the funniest moment of the whole day, Mihai’s face and his denial, at some point I felt that I’d have to drag him out that park he was THAT frightened and in denial and soooo didn’t want me to give birth. Anyways skipping Mihai’s panic attack we head towards the hospital ->

19.00pm: From this point onwards everything seems to be a retrospective blur. Enter clinic. Climb up onto the table, an assistant says to me how do I not feel that I am in labour as she can see my tightenings through my dress. Excuse me? I still feel nothing. I look over to Mihai who looks like he will pass out at any moment and don’t say anything, except for deny any pain of course. Doctor does the scan, I’m definitely having contractions and they are about 6 minutes apart. Ok? The scan shows that I have barely any water left, and that baby has almost no water at it’s head…time for a slight panic. Doctor cannot believe that my waters have broken and I never called her. That is NO THANKS TO MIHAI. So the day before I had some discharge that was so fluid and water like I wasn’t sure if I had peed myself but Mihai kept saying that it was just end of pregnancy discharge, now I have nooo idea why I listened to him. Of course baby is not in position and is transverse, I have no water left. Time for the internal check. Oh I’m 2 and a half centimetres dilated already. Well this baby is coming and it’s coming soon. Mihai gets sent home by my doctor to collect my stuff, we have somehow been communicating through telepathy all this time as if I recall correctly we never really exchanged a word with each other but for sure we knew what each other were thinking, we just kept looking at each other, it all seemed quite the shock. I in the meantime get whisked upstairs, stripped naked quicker than I can blink, hospital gown on and told to lie down. Yet another assistant cannot understand why I’m not feeling my contractions, now that I’m lying down and looking at them I can almost literally see them and I can definitely feel them, oh wait, now I feel it, they may be just slightly painful.

… no idea what time it was: I’ve been moved to the operation room, I’m starting to panic as Mihai is not here yet although my Doctor keeps reassuring me that she won’t start without him being there. Oh great, he’s here now and all of a sudden in all my shock I notice that not only is my  husband and my doctor there, but there are also ALL the ladies from the previous shift (guess I caught them through shift change over time) and ALL the ladies from the night shift. Plus the assisting surgeon, the anaesthesist, the head anaesthesist nurse, the neonatalog. That is one thing that I will for sure remember, I have NEVER literally, in my life, seen that many people in an operating room. My spinal gets put in blah blah then, I for some reason start to panic, I’m sweating profusely, Mihai is trying to give me a thumbs up from the door for some reason? Okay, that’s my cue to pass out, next thing I know the anaesthesist is telling someone to get Mihai here, My doctor is talking to God knows who, Mihai is there holding my hand, the theatre lights turn on and I feel like a deer in the headlights. I’m lying on my back with someone holding my head down because I’m panicking, the sweetest anaesthesist guy who I’ve managed to fall in love with throughout all this chaos is soaking me in water and all I can think about is how he is ruining my lash extensions, plus the fact he can see my boobs, plus the fact a whole other bunch of people can see my vagigi, plus the fact that I am ABOUT TO THROW UP, trying to tell myself to hold it in. Focus on my dear husband’s hand stroking my hand, try telling my husband I love him the most in the world. Oh wait, nope I’m throwing up all over my anaesthesist. Poor guy. It only happens two more times. They still haven’t reached my uterus yet, why? I don’t think I even want to know, the doctor’s are deep in concentration, and for a still second I admire the way in which they are working together, I have no idea what they are doing but it seems important, they are in silence and for a slight moment all the chaos around me and my panicked thoughts blur out, For a moment it is me, the thud of my heartbeat, the theatre lights and the two doctors working alongside each other in an understood silence. My heartbeat is getting louder and louder in my ears, Mihai is calming me down, I can’t really understand what’s taking so long, but I’ll find out after the surgery.

20.45pm: All of a sudden I feel the interior incision, I’m asking Mihai if he can see the baby yet. Then I hear it, the doctor saying how SHE has the longest eyelashes, someone else said she is the most beautiful baby and then came her sweet, sweet cry. I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m crying, I’m still in shock yet I am the happiest woman alive. I have so much love for my husband, my newborn child and everyone around me. I’m reliving the ecstasy I felt the first time when I gave birth to the love of my life, little baby Ayan and now I am feeling it again. They’ve taken her to another room to dress her and check her vitals, whilst my doctor is continuing with the operation. She says something to me but I can’t hear her, so many people are saying so many things but all I can hear is the beautiful sound of my baby’s cry next door.

I can’t wait to hold her as soon as I’m out the theatre.

With the funniest memories, the sweetest moment and the most wonderful Doctor’s and medical team. This is how my baby girl – Aryana Lorena Moldovan – was born, Bought into this world on April 1st 2017 @ Clinica Hipocrates, Cluj-Napoca. 

I love you. 

P.s. I never did get that ice-cream.

3 weeks + 3 days
First kiss from Ayan

The first time in mommy’s arms.

SHE’S HERE!

Hey guys! It’s been a crazy long time, like 6 weeks to be exact or something around that right? I know, I know, I know, I’m ALWAYS apologising. However, please hear me out, this time round I have a really good excuse, so here it goes…

Last time on the blog I left you at week 33, with 2-weekly updates on how the pregnancy was going, my workouts, etc. Unfortunately after week 33 apart from severe nesting accompanied by my super bad OCD tendencies, I started suffering severe migraines, so bad that they were effectively ‘paralysing’ me. So for a few weeks I was living in a haze and definitely unable to blog, VLOG or barely look at my phone screen. At week 35 my doctor started me on steroid injections to help with these headaches as they were severely dehabilating and definitely not like me (fortunately headaches is not something I’ve had to suffer from in the past). So I wasn’t feeling so amazing from those anyways…as I finished day 5 of injections with still another 5 days left, I was beginning to wonder if I’d make it through the misery of those damn injections and I started wishing those days would fly by me, well all I gotta say about that is be careful what you wish for…

Fast forward to 1st April, yes, yes I know it’s April fools day, but I am not fooling you, my daughter, yep that’s right I had a BABY GIRL <3, entered my life pulling the biggest prank on me ever! I’ll be writing the full story on the arrival of our little princess on the next blog post, as right now she’s aboout to wake up and I’ve gotta run #momlife. For now, here are a few snaps of her, we are all well over here at casa Moldovan and I can’t wait to be catching up with my blog readers/instagram followers over the coming months!

 

Meet the Moldovans!

Hey guys! So tonight I’ve got a funny little video on the blog featuring my husband Mihai. I know a lot of my blog readers are not actually in tact with my personal life and social media, so many of you know about what I write, but not many of you actually know about me personally. So as a little present, here’s a video where you can find out more about ME. Any more questions? Comment them down below and let me know, I’ll be sure to make another video in the near future, Enjoy!

XOXO